Morning of Victory!

Yay!  This morning I was that woman.  The woman I have dreamed and desired and longed to be for years!  I had a sweet taste of living in victory over something that has plagued my life for years!  Oh yes, it was sweet!

Ok, here's the backstory.  In my heart of hearts, I have desired to be an early riser.  Now, mind you, mornings, historically have not been my friend.  I have proclaimed on many occasions that I am not a morning person!  All of that is changing.

I have shared with you that Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst has been a very helpful tool for me in this life changing journey.  In one of the video sessions, she describes a person whose job it is to carry water.  But the bucket she carries has many holes.  Some of the holes are larger than others.  Some of the holes are in the sides, some are in the bottom.

{Source}

As the water carrier, what hole would you fill first?  Some would argue to fill the largest one first.  It's the ugliest and stands out the most.  Some would argue to fill several of the small ones at one time so you get more accomplished all at once.  But if that hole in the bottom isn't filled first, then none of the other ones matter.

Make sense?

I had to ask the Lord what my bucket needed.  My heart had some healing to do, and I asked Him where to start.


Start with Me.  


Right, Lord.  I got it.  Give it to you.  Let you work this change in my heart.

Start with Me.


I got it.  Start with the hole in my heart that can only be filled with You.

Start with Me.


But Lord, I don't know where or how to fit it in.  There's so many things pulling at my schedule.  And I'm trying to exercise.  I'm trying to plan healthy meals.  I...  I...

Start with Me.  {Isn't He patient and merciful?}

Oh.  You mean, start today with you?

Yes.  Start with Me.


And each day?  First thing in the morning? It will have to be early morning?  Shoot.  {You remember I said, I'm not a morning person.}

While I did not hear an audible voice, {never have, actually}, I knew in my spirit that He was speaking this truth over my life.  Start each day with Him.  Start each day immersing my soul in His truth.  Make a date Him.  Just me with Jesus.

And y'all.  It's good.  He shows up BIG TIME.  It's sweet.  I anticipate it like a date!  There's been a few mornings that I have ignored His invitation and slept in.  I have found that I really miss that time.  Now, I can find it somewhere else in my day, but there is something so delightful about a quiet and still house in the morning.  It helps my mind and heart be still to hear from Him.

So back to my morning today.  I have been doing this morning routine for several weeks now.  And today it hit me: I was that woman!  I rose early, before the sun.  I began to pray and ask the Lord to speak into my heart.  Begging Him to be my portion, today.  Smitty made me a cup of coffee, 'cause he's wonderful like that and 'cause I do need the caffeine!  I took my dog for a short little stroll, drinking coffee all the while, wearing my pajamas {Ange, I might have to get a housecoat, after all}.  I tinkered around in our one-plant garden, harvesting little cherry tomatoes.  It was quiet and still outside.  The sun was now up.   My soul was quieted and prepared for the day.

Doesn't sound like much to you?  I have longed for the days where my day began this way.  I have desired to seek Him first, literally.  Because I am sinner, I will still have days that don't look like this.  I don't expect that everything's going to go my way because of a good start to the morning.  But I do know that my heart has heard from it's Maker this morning.  He says He loves me very much and wants me to be free of the sin than entangles.

Y'all, I am so hopeful.  I can taste the sweetness of victory over this cycle of defeat.  It's good.

Pray with me that I would accept His invitation each morning for our morning date.

3 months? Surely Not.

I cannot believe that three months has gone by since my last post in this space.  Where do I begin?

I'm still on this journey to less of me and becoming more Christlike.  In terms of my exercise, I allowed the crazy schedule of our MAPP training, end of school, etc to get in the way of the wonderful routines I had established.  I am exercising about once a week currently, and I really am ready to get back to a routine.

In terms of my eating, I have fallen back into some bad habits.  I have indulged way too much this summer. Our lack of schedule and routine have also resulted in eating out way more than we usually do.  Which is real fun... but my choices are not always good ones!

So, as you may have guessed, I have not continued losing weight.  I have gained back a couple of the pounds I lost. I began feeling downhearted about it all.  Thankfully, the Lord loves me just where I am but loves me too much to leave me here.

My friend's church is doing the Made to Crave group study.  Thank you, Danielle, for your willingness to facilitate this group and be vulnerable along with us!  I loved this book and am grateful for the opportunity to hear Lysa Terkeurst speak in the DVD.  It also has a participant's guide for homework.  It's really good stuff.

I have been so convicted that anything that comes before the Lord in my life is an idol.  Anything/Anyone that I enjoy more than the Lord.  Anything/Anyone that I cling to more than Jesus.  Food, friends, facebook, foster care... {dog, that's a lot of F words.}  My relationship with food is unhealthy.  I have found that I trust in it, I love it, I run to it, I depend on it... you get the point.  I want that to be Jesus.  He loves me back!  Not the food.  He satisfies.  Not the food.

I'm pouring Scripture into my heart.  I am feasting on God's word.  I am trying to memorize Scripture so that is what I depend on.  {Not that basket of chips and bowl of guacamole.}  These are the verses I am working on this week:

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought with a price.  Therefore, honor God with your body."  I Corinthians 6:19

Thanks for praying with me.  Thank you for checking in on my journey.  My heart is changing.  It's painful.  I'm grateful.  I know this is not a quick weight loss goal, but rather it is a lifelong journey.   I've decided I'm going to enjoy the journey.  What about you?

Learning Curve

If you've stopped by today, thanks for reading.  I am praying for you.  You, the readers that happen into my little space here in cyber space.  I'm not sure who reads this or if anyone really does, but my prayer is that my journey to being refined might bring glory to God.

When I started this process, I began thinking: "Ok.  The things I have tried before and am currently doing ARE NOT WORKING.  So, how can I shift my thinking completely?"  Here are some things I'm learning along the way:

• I have to drink tons of water.  I'm learning to like it.  Especially when I had the realization that, duh, like I could buy lemons, slice them and put them in the water.  Wait for it...  Get this:  AT HOME.  Huge revelation.  Never occurred to me before.  
• I have to drink less Diet Coke.  Drastic measures, I'm telling you.  There is a body of research that is showing that the artificial sweeteners in diet sodas actually are not helping me at all!  In fact, they may be working against any efforts at weight loss.  The research shows that our bodies respond to the sweetener just like regular sugars and can create more of a craving for sweets.  That explains a lot.  I still drink some, but am trying to choose water {with lemon, 'cause I'm smart like that}
• I have to exercise HARD.  As my dear friend gently reminded me, it is so easy to put the extra pounds on.  It is another thing entirely to work to get them off.  I've always thought I should be able to talk and exercise at the same time.  I like to talk.  The exercise I'm trying to do now brings my heart rate up so much I can't get too many words in... you know, for trying to breathe.  I'm also learning to like this.
• I need lots of lean protein and fewer carbohydrates.  Y'all. Did you read that statement?  Have I ever told you how much I love bread?  And potatoes?  And pasta?  Well, it's true.  And while I don't make a list of off-limit foods, my intake of these sorts of carbs has to be decreased.  My body type and hormonal condition, PCOS, also comes along with some metabolic issues.  I hope to not have Type II Diabetes when I'm 35.  
• I have lost some weight.  Thankfully.  But mainly, I feel better.  I feel stronger.  I like moving my body more.  I like putting good things into my body.  I also really like Dewey's cake squares...  I am learning that the number on the scale or in the tag of my jeans doesn't define who I am.  God took care of that on the cross when Christ died for me!  I am no longer a prisoner held captive by the sin of this world but His beloved child.
• I have to examine my heart all. the. time.  I am learning to understand my motivations for eating and turn my cravings towards God.  I'm learning that craving anything else more than Him is really not good for me.   There's a word for that.  It's called idolatry, and I'm so guilty of it.  I'm learning giving myself tons of grace {thank you, Patrice, for that reminder!} and looking at each new day as a new start at life!  
• I am using a fantastic tool to help me understand the depravity of my heart.  Lysa Terkeurst's book, Made to Crave is wonderful.  So many applications for this book, in my opinion, not just food and weight.  

• I have a long way to go, both physically and spiritually.  I fall back into sin, if even in my thinking, so often.  But I know this process is refining me to be the woman God's called me to be and giving me His strength to carryout the purposes for my life.