Somewhere to go

I began this journey to a healthier lifestyle and weight on February 2.  I went to my annual exam and wept at the sight of my weight on the scale.   I was appalled at that number on the scale.  I had seen it before at the end of my last pregnancy.  But, this time, there was no baby, placenta and amniotic fluid to blame.  I was ashamed at where I had allowed my body to go.  I was scared of the ramifications of my unhealthy choices.  I was deeply grieved that the temple of God, that is my body, looked like this.

My Ob/Gyn was very helpful and considerate.  He is a very thin, small framed man, so how he got to be so sensitive to women and their weight issues is beyond me!  I was grateful for his real life suggestions of adding exercise to an already busy schedule.  He offered suggestions that seemed easy enough to implement immediately.  I was ready to do something different.

Something had to be done.  This was no new struggle to me.  I had grown up being chubby.  I've known the feelings of being ostracized for not being thin.  I've been the outsider because I wouldn't fit, literally and figuratively, in situations.  I've known the constant battle within of wanting desperately to be thinner, but craving foods that brought comfort.  I've tried all sorts of diet plans and regimes.  I've given in to more temptations while dieting than I can count.  I felt that I had tried it all with very little success.  This process had been painful and wasn't very fruitful.

But that day was different.  I felt the gentle but firm presence of the Holy Spirit saying, "now is the time."  I prayed and prayed. I confessed of my putting food and other things in the place of God.  I was on my face ashamed of the choices I had made.  I pleaded with the Lord to take this from me.  Miraculously, make it just go away!  I got on my knees and begged the Lord's forgiveness for what I had done to this gift of my body He's given me.

I felt a sweet forgiveness pour over me and then these words,

"I forgive you.  I love you very much.  
You're beautiful and you're mine.  
Now, get up.  

'Cause, Baby, we've got somewhere to go, and we can't take that with us."