Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Here's the thing...

So, here's the thing.  Remember that last post?  That was just a week ago.  I feel particularly like I'm under attack just after sharing something so raw.  I feel like I doubt myself more.  I question what God is speaking over my life.  I hear those age old lies in my head and heart, "you'll never conquer this."

The days since the last post have not been as, how shall we say, victorious?  I have been sleeping later.  My quiet times have been shorter.  Each morning that I chose to sleep in a bit, I consciously pushed snooze on my time with the Lord.


That doesn't sound like the lady from last week that wanted to shout from the rooftops:  "Good news!  I've tasted victory, and it's possible!"  It sounded more like that old, grouchy lady, "You can't do this.  Whatever you try, you will stay in this cycle of defeat."

But God.  I love when God intervenes.  He's always speaking to us.  It's time I listen.

My friend just gave me Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young.  I read it this morning in a bit of quiet time quickie.  I jotted the scripture verses down to look at later on and ran out the door.

This is how today's message read:
"Do everything in dependence on Me.  The desire to act independently- apart from Me- springs from the root of pride.  Self-sufficiency is subtle, insinuating its way into your thoughts and actions without your realizing it.  But apart from Me, you can do nothing: that is, nothing of eternal value.  My deepest desire for you is that you learn to depend on Me in every situation.  I move heaven and earth to accomplish this purpose, but you must collaborate with Me in this training.  Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power.  However, I love you too much to withdraw the godlike privilege I bestowed on you as My image-bearer.  Use your freedom wisely, by relying on Me constantly.  Thus you enjoy My Presence and My Peace." {Jesus Calling, p. 261)

I am thankful for grace.  I am thankful for His mercies, new each morning.  I am thankful that I don't have to try to do this in my strength.  I don't do a quiet time in the morning out of duty, but rather, I meet with Jesus because He shows up.  I desire to be in His presence.  I desire to hear from Him.  I need to hear from Him.  

When I try to do any thing apart from Jesus, in my strength, rather than His, I am going to fail.  I cannot do life without Him.  I need to fall on my face to be reminded that He is the only who can accomplish any good thing.

Today, I begin again.  Thank you, Lord for your sweet mercy, your lovingkindness and your very presence.

So, here's the thing:  I'm here to say that THANK GOD I HAVE TODAY!  Regardless of what last year, last week, yesterday, or already this morning held, today can be different.  Today I can choose to live differently with my very next choice.